"Only mustard isn't a bird," Alice remarked. "Right as usual," said the Duchess;
"What a cfear way you have of putting things!"
Virgo is the sign of the virgin, but you can't take the symbolism too literally. I can assure you that a September birthday is no guarantee of virginity. Although lots of Virgos remain bachelors and spinsters, there are also plenty who finally settle into connubial bliss. They may not do so with any sudden burst of fire and passion, because marriage is not a natural state for the Virginian nature; yet it's surprising how many of them master its teamwork, and they're almost always devoted to their families.
Married or single, it's fairly simple to spot the Virgo in public. For one thing, he won't be making much noise. He's not exactly garrulous, and he'll stand out as a loner. See that gentle, attractive man over there in the comer, with the thesaurus under his arm? The one with the tick-tock mind, clicking away the hours neatly and methodical？ly noticing the smallest details? If you look closely, you can almost see him measuring each minute for what it's worth. He's a Virgo. See that quiet girl with the beautiful, soft eyes, waiting for the bus? Notice her spick-and-span white gloves, her cool manner. She'll have the exact coins for the fare ready in her hand. She wouldn't dream of asking the bus driver to change a five dollar bill. She's a Virgo.
Social gatherings are not the best hunting grounds when you're searching for these perfectionists. You're more like？ly to find them working late at the office than being gre？garious at a cocktail party. It's not easy for Virgos to relax sufficiently to enjoy the carefree social swim, because they're basically uncomfortable in crowds. They some？times make attempts to follow the party routine, through pure frustration, but duty whistles too insistently to allow for much frivolity. Sometimes, Virgo can make Capricorn look like a good-time Harry, and that's really going some. You'll seldom see them blowing bubbles in the air or building castles in the sand. Virgos are too busy to day？dream, and they're usually too tired at night to wish on stars.
The first thing you'll notice about the typical Virgo is the definite impression he gives that there's a serious prob？lem on his mind he's struggling to solve-or a vague feeling that he's secretly worried about something. He probably is. Worry comes naturally to him. One might even say he's affectionately attached to the habit. It's an intangible thing, and elusive, but his delightful smile will always seem to be hiding some great trouble.
Although the ascendant and other natal positions can modify the typical Jack Spratt spare figure, you can gen？erally look for a rather wiry build, and unusually lovely, quiet eyes. Virgo eyes are often so astonishingly clear you can almost see your reflection in them. They sparkle with intelligence and clarity of thought. There's a purity and tranquility of expression on Virgo features that seems to deny those secret worries. Most of them are extremely attractive, with delicate noses, ears and lips. There's cer？tainly no lack of grace and charm, and there may be a bit of vanity which pops up at odd moments. Virgos are very critical of their own photographs and fussy in the extreme about how they look, both on film and in person. If you're observant, you'll catch them primping in front of a mirror when they think no one is looking. They're always well turned out, and usually meticulous, if conserva？tive, dressers. Virgo Maurice Chevalier would rather be caught without a song than without his boutonniere and his tie tack.
The Virgo is normally a small person, certainly no giant, but he's muscular, and he has far more strength than his fragile appearance suggests. These people can stand more intense work over a longer period of time than the tougher, more brawny signs-if they can avoid a nervous breakdown in the process. Although they're ex？ternally capable and cool, inner anxieties gnaw away at them, upsetting their digestion and their emotional balance. Tackling more work than they can safely manage, and then straining themselves to the breaking point to fulfill the obligations is behind many a Virgo's ragged nerves. They were meant to be calm and soothing when their intricate and delicate mechanisms are running smoothly and the wheels aren't clogged with brain fatigue.
Virgos are unquestionably dependable and sincere. Nevertheless, they're capable of pretending to be sick when they don't want to go somewhere or do something. At these times, the latent Virginian talent for acting comes forth. Occasionally, they manage to convince themselves of such imaginary ills, but the cool eye and clear head of Mercury-ruled people insure that most instances of such self-deception are short-lived. They are fastidious and exacting in grooming, eating, working and romance. Your neat Virgo friend who looks as if he just stepped out of the shower probably just did. He takes more baths and showers than any four people you know put together. He also has very precise ideas about health, little patience with laziness, and very few illusions about life and people, even when he's in love. Male or female, romance never clouds Virgo's eyes with a thick enough film to blind him to any existing flaws and shortcomings in either the relationship or in the loved one. To use the idiom of the day, Virgo always "knows where it's at," though the slang-hating Virgos will shrink in distaste from that phrase.
Of course, you shouldn't get the idea that everyone born in late August or September is fussy, prissy and dogmatic. Lots of Virginians shine with a clever Mercury wit-if you catch their side remarks-and they project a bright, Mer？curial charm that's hard to resist. Sophia Loren is a Virgo, which should settle that point once and for all. You may run across a Virgo who is so busy keeping the corners of his (or her) mind neat and orderly that he's become care？less about his clothing or his surroundings, which may fool you when you catch him in an off moment. But wait. Sooner or later you'll find him picking up a pin from the rug, brushing his hair or pinching a piece of lint off his shoulder.
Although they dream very few impossible dreams, Vir？gos often have the inconsistent trait of looking like lovely dreamers-as if they were all wrapped up in the very rain？bows their logical minds refuse to believe in or follow.
When they're annoyed by vulgarity, stupidity or careless？ness, Virgos can suddenly become cranky, irritable, scold？ing and nervous. But most of the time they're gentle folk, and quite nice to have around, especially around the sick room. Some of the finest nurses are born under this sign, full of efficient sympathy and crisp capability. When you have a headache, your Virgo friend is the one most likely to run to the drugstore for you. If you're at his place, he won't have far to go, because there will probably be a miniature drugstore right in his house. His bathroom med？icine cabinet is usually loaded down with patent reliefs for stomach-ache, constipation, upset liver or acid indigestion. Peek inside sometime. He'll never take a drug unless he's familiar with each ingredient and how it works, so hell be an expert at telling you which remedy will be best for your headache, depending on what caused it. Virgos who travel often take their portable drugstores right along with them. They may carry an extra suitcase, just for the pills and bottles. If they're used to a certain brand of soap or lotion, they'll tuck that in, too. It would be a disaster if they happened to get stuck in a town where they didn't sell what the Virgo is accustomed to using. He usually buys his soap' and sundries by the case, because it's cheaper-or at least by the dozen-which is another reason he doesn't like to purchase things en route. Sometimes a Virgo will even tote his own water with him on trips. Don't laugh- do you know what can happen to a person's stomach when .certain foreign bodies in strange drinking water enter the digestive system? Virgos can tell you. When these people form habits, they form habits, and taking a vacation or a business trip is no excuse to break them. If he's used to .keeping his socks in the middle left-hand drawer of the bureau at home, that's where the socks go in the hotel room. If it's one of those bureaus with only three large drawers, and no choice of left or right, it can really hang him up for awhile. He may end up just leaving them in the suitcase, but his sleep will be restless. The next morning, the waitress in the hotel dining room will quickly learn that I when the Virgo says three-minute eggs, he doesn't mean I two minutes and forty-five seconds. Or when he says sunny-; side up, he doesn't mean sunnyside down. And hell ' definitely base his tip on her attention to such details.
A Virgo may criticize your statements with hairsplitting arguments which drive you wild, but if you are in a jam, | he'll also quickly step in to turn things right side up again • with no motive except to serve. If the job you tackled has you so bogged down in boring details you despair of meeting the deadline, Virgo will roll up his sleeves and pitch in willingly. It's not ego that makes him itch to take over when things are in a shambles. It's just that his orderly Mercurial mind can't stand procrastination, neg？lected details or confusion of purpose. He may even straighten things out before he's asked, with no intention of rudeness, because bringing order out of chaos is in？stinctive with him. He's the kind of guest who will happily help the hostess clean up after the party. But he's also the kind of guest who will notice immediately that you have carefully placed the Saturday Review on the coffee table to hide an ugly stain, and arranged the cushions on the couch to cover the cigarette holes.
Like the Libran, Virgo is quick to deny his habits and traits. He has an apparent blindness to his faults and he seems unable to see his own weaknesses in as clear a light as he sees everything else. But the truth is that he does see them-and he sees them in such infinite detail that he can't bear to hear them generalized. Try to tell a typical Virgo he's critical, a worrier, fussy, neat or unusually concerned with diet and health, and you'll face a fiat denial. Who, him? He's not like that at all. I still have the ten-page letter from a Virgo housewife, written in a tiny, precise handwriting, in which she carefully details all the reasons why the descriptions of her Sun sign don't fit her, never realizing that the very orderly form and length of her hairsplitting complaint was giving her away.
"I'm just not neat," she wrote. "My house is terribly sloppy." But then she continued, "After all, I do have two very small children, who constantly make messes which drive me crazy. I pick up after them every second of the day." (She then proceeded to itemize her endless chores, one by one, very carefully.) "I try to keep things in a particular spot, and I never waste time reading or watching TV like my neighbors do. But things are still untidy when my husband gets home for dinner. I don't think he has any right to complain, because I do work till after mid？night while he's sleeping, getting the house in shape for morning. I couldn't get breakfast in a dirty kitchen. Dirt breeds germs, and sickness spreads fast in a family. But before he leaves for work everything's a mess again. So this neatness thing about Virgos really annoys me. I'm really not neat. I'm also not a worrier nor a hypochondriac. I never criticize my husband's mistakes with the check book, at least not very often, because it's not a wife's place to do that. . . . I'd like to be neat, but what can I do with the children and all? Really, if you could see how they . .." and so on. (Naturally, she carefully included a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a reply.) The last line in her letter wondered, "Can you tell me why the descrip？tions of my Sun sign don't fit me at all?" Someday I plan to have those pages framed and hang them on the wall under a symbol of Virgo.
You should be able to pick out a Virgo in a roomful of people with no trouble. He's incapable of sitting still for very long. After a while, he'll become visibly restless and pace the floor or change chairs like a jumping jack, and project a vague sense of urgency as if he's late for another appointment somewhere. At the same time, the facial ex？pression will portray a certain tranquility, hke a mask. The full damage caused by Virgo's nervous intensity seldom shows completely on the outside, but it surely can mess up the digestive system inside. That's why you'll often find them carrying a roll of Turns for the tummy.
It's important to mention here the still unseen planet Vulcan, the true ruler of Virgo, since its discovery is said to be imminent. The discovery of the true ruler of a sign changes the characteristics of those born under it. To give only one example, during the period when both Aquarius and Capricorn were ruled by Saturn, the February-born, such as Abraham Lincoln, clearly showed the melancholy traits of that planet. But when Uranus (the symbol of electronics and space, and the true ruler of Aquarius) was Discovered-in its proper time in the universal plan- \.quarians began to reflect qualities of restless discovery, md a more electric, unpredictable, progressive personality, ;uch as that of Uranus-ruled Aquarian Franklin D. Roose？velt. Many astrologers feel that Vulcan, the planet of thunder, will become visible through telescopes within a few years. Shortly before or after Vulcan moves close enough to the earth to be seen, Virgos now living, as weu as those born in the future, will lose much of the Mercurial )ressure that causes the present nervous strain. Mercury ?eing more compatible with the airy sign of Gemini than with the earthy Virgo. The thunderous Vulcan will also yvs to Virgos their astrological inheritance of courage and sonfidence, and will release many of the typical Virgo nhibitions. After Vulcan is discovered, the last remaining rianet to be identified, ac cording to ancient predictions, is 'Apollo, the true ruler of Taurus. Then each Sun sign will answer to the vibrations of its rightful ruler-twelve signs and twelve heavenly bodies. It's interesting to note that Vulcan, in Greek mythology, is the lame god with the brilliant mind. Many Virgos have a slight limp, or else some peculiar and unusual quality to the walk or posture.
You won't find those people lavish in affection or in spending money. They're normally prudent in both areas, giving their love quietly and steadily with little demonstra-tiveness, and handling cash just as conservatively. Strangely, as willing as Virgos are to give efficient service to others, they have an almost neurotic and intense dislike of accept？ing favors themselves. They don't want to be obligated to anyone for any reason. And they don't want to depend on anyone but themselves for anything. The deeply imbedded fear of dependence in old age is what makes many of them live so economically as to be called stingy. But that's really too harsh a word. When there's plenty of security and no need to worry about the future, Virgo will spend money more freely, although even then it will be spent with full value received- -or back to the store for a refund.
Though he has absolutely no sympathy for beggars or idle wastrels, he is unfailingly generous when a friend is in trouble. The Virgo who is almost miserly where his per？sonal needs are involved will make charming gestures of financial aid to those who really deserve it, or to people he really likes or loves. But you'll never find him throwing money away carelessly, because waste is one of his pet peeves. Virgos labor hard for what they have, and extrava？gance never fails to shock them. They usually have a few sharp things to say about spendthrifts and people who are too lazy to work.
There's one thing that will remove some of the sting of Virgo's criticism, however, and that's the knowledge that he's secretly as critical of himself as he is of you. He just can't help seeing the flaws, because he was born to notice the tiniest crack in the vase. He won't take to lateness any more kindly than he does to wastefulness. Actually, to be late is waste of a kind. It's a waste of time, and to Virgo, time is the stuff of which life is made. So be punctual if you want to avoid his stinging disapproval. Frank Sinatra's friends have learned that when the singer says "dinner at eight," he means eight, and not eight-fifteen or eight-thirty. Although Sinatra is a warm, fiery Sagittarian by Sun sign, he does have a Virgo ascendant which also explains why he's so painstaking about rehearsing and such a bug for detail in music arrangements. Every note and every tone must be exactly correct when he records or the session will be repeated until he's satisfied. Add such meticulous and impeccable taste to the Sagittarius fire and warmth and you can see why he sells a song.
It's hard to understand why Virginians are sometimes called selfish, since they usually find more satisfaction in serving others than in satisfying their own personal ambi？tion. The selfish label probably arises from the Virgo ability to say "no" and really mean it. He gives freely of his time and energy, but he won't go beyond the point of reason？ableness. When demands become excessive, Virgo will balk and make his objections quiet clear, perhaps too clear. As much as he loves to point out the flaws of others, he fiercely resents open criticism of his own mistakes. When a Virgo makes an error, which will be rare, point it out tactfully if you want to keep his friendship.
Virgos are surprisingly healthy, in spite of their traveling drugstores (unless they worry themselves into illness through overwork, mental tension and pessimism). They take good care of their bodies and they're fussy about their diets. Still, they may complain about minor ailments, such as upset stomach, indigestion, chronic pains in the intestinal area, headaches and foot problems (remember Vulcan, the lame god). They should baby themselves when they have a chest cold, because they're susceptible to lung ailments if their individual planets are afflicted in the natal chart. They may be plagued with pains in the hips, arms, shoulders- gout, arthritis, rheumatic troubles and sometimes sluggish liver and back aches. But the Virgo's concern about his own health will prevent most serious illness. Many of them are vegetarians. If not, you can bet they know exactly what they should eat and how it should be cooked. Now and then you may come across a germ-conscious Virgo who wears rubber gloves to mix a meat loaf or boils his tooth-brush every night, but that's an extreme. Still, even the average Virgo will be sure to wash his hands with vigor before a meal.
Virgos like cats, birds and small, helpless creatures. They also like truth, punctuality, economy, prudence and discreet selectivity. They hate gushy sentiment, dirt, vulgarity, slop-piness and idleness. Theirs is a practical nature, with excessive discrimination-the true individualists, whose keen perception keeps their desires clear of muddy, wishful thinking. A fresh breeze blows through the dream of a Virgo, sweeping it free of wisps of wild, inaccurate fancies. Once he's learned to master life's complicated details, in？stead of letting details master him, he can shape his own destiny with more certainty than any other Sun sign.
Cool green jade and pure platinum complement him and bring him luck. But Virginian good fortune is always followed by five kinds of loneliness, and duty's clarion call is never still within these gentle hearts. Don't forget that the shy, wistful smile of Virgo hides a secret or two. Both the quicksilver of Mercury and the distant thunder of Vulcan run through his quiet blood, as he dresses in his favorite colors of gray, beige, navy blue, all shades of green and stark white. Underneath his serious manner lies the alluring aura of the Virgin-purity of thought and purpose, symbolized by the Virgo hyacinth. Once you've known the fragrance of this Easter flower, you're never quite free of its spell. It returns each spring to haunt the memory. Virgo has its own, secret way of making the heart remember.
Famous Virgo Personalities
Prince Albert Lauren Bacall Robert Benchley Ingrid Bergman Leonard Bernstein Sid Caesar Maurice Chevalier Theodore Dreiser Queen Elizabeth I Henry Ford II Greta Garbo Arthur Godfrey Goethe
John Gunther Lyndon Johnson Elia Kazan Joseph Kennedy Lafayette D. H. Lawrence Sophia Loren H. L. Mencken Walter Reuther Cardinal Richelieu Peter Sellers Robert Taft
William Howard Taft Roy Wilkins
"Why, if a fish came to me, and told me he was going on a journey, I should say, 'With what porpoise?' " "Don't you mean 'purpose'?" said Alice. "I mean what I say," the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone.
We may as well get this out into the open right away. Don't pin your hopes on a Virgo man if your heart is hungry for romantic dreams and fairy tales, or you'll find yourself on a starvation diet. A love affair with a Virgo will dump a warm sentimentalist on the cold ground with a hard thud, and it can hurt.
This man lives almost entirely on a practical, material level, and he has little use for the abstractions of storybook romance. Of course, the whole problem may be academic anyway, since it will take no little effort to bring him any？where near the threshold of a man-woman relationship in the first place. He's not the type to serenade you beneath your boudoir window. You'll have a long, lonely wait on your moonlit balcony until he starts climbing the rose trellis (or the fire escape, if you live in a walk-up).
Actually, Virgos are deeply involved with love from earliest childhood, but not the Romeo-Juliet kind of love. His chief way of expressing the word is concerned with unselfish devotion to family, friends and those weaker or more disorganized than himself. He was born with an instinctive love of work, love of duty and discipline and devotion to the helpless. Even the unevolved Virgo, ,who doesn't quite reach such heights, feels slightly guilty that he isn't living up to a selfless ideal in some way.
The kind of love which displays itself in dramatic emo？tions, sentimental promises, tearful declarations and mushy affection, not only leaves a Virgo man cold, it can frighten him into catching the nearest bus or train out of town. (Planes are too fast and too expensive for him, unless he's really desperate.) But he can be melted if the temperature is just right, even though he seems to be made of a com？bination of steel and ice. There are definitely ways to the Virgo heart. Secret ways. Aggressive pursuit is not one of them. Neither is coquetry nor sexuality, as many a flirta？tious vamp and slinky siren has learned, to her surprise and disappointment.
Virgos seek quality rather than quantity in romance. Since quality is at pretty much of a premium in any cate？gory, they have few real love affairs, and the few they do have are destined to be unlucky or sad in some way, more often than not. Virgo's reaction to such a disappointment is normally to bury himself in the hardest work he can find, stay away from society in general, and be twice as cautious at the next opportunity. You can see that you'll have to use considerable strategy and patience. The basic Virginian instinct is chastity, and he's turned from it only for a good cause or for a mighty good woman. Many Virgos-though admittedly not all-can live with celibacy far more easily than any other Sun sign, just as they put up with rules of discipline they don't understand, because obedience to fate without struggling comes naturally to them. If fate decrees a single life, Virgo is prepared to accept it without excess regret or emotional trauma, so there are lots of Virgo bachelors around-but still, in their quiet way, they can manage some very poetic, if fragile, love affairs.
Although he's never obvious, Virgo can be a master of the art of subtle seduction. A couple of generations of women who have trembled inside when a certain French？man smiles his shy, gentle smile can tell you all about it. Maurice Chevalier didn't become a legend because he has a singing voice like Caruso, you know. He may not be of my generation, but I too get butterflies in the heart region when I see or hear him.
The Virgo man is a blend of sharp intellect and solid earth. He can be detached enough to break lots of hearts with a cool kind of flirting, but his critical analytical sense and his fastidious discrimination seldom allow these fre？quent excursions to leave the platonic arena. It has to burn with a white heat to produce real passion in a Virgo. His modesty and selectivity alone prevent undue promiscuity. Of course, there may be an occasional fall into an earthy, physical experience, but such indiscretions are the exception, rather than the rule. The rule is aloof interest. I know pne Virgo man who accepted a part in one of those really raw "for adults only" films, but he did it strictly for the cash-he was flat broke at the time-and he still blushes when anyone mentions it. Naturally, a man is a man, and not all Virgo: remain technical virgins, but they do always emain puu in outlool-. There's invariably something clean ind chaste about Virgo love, which is never allowed to become soiled--cven in the midst of passion- -no matter vhat unfortunate events may give the outward appearance pf casualties^.
He'll take his own precious time about finding a love object, because he's as critical and painstaking in the selec？tion of a woman as he is in his eating, grooming, health [and work habits. Don't try to fool him or lie to him. Your jvirgo lover holds no illusions. He wants a decent, honest (and genuine relationship. He knows very well how small |his chances are of finding it, but it's useless to expect him |to accept anything less. If circumstances ever do involve |him in a sordid affair, you can be certain he won't remain |in its clutches for long.
| He is a difficult man to stir emotionally. He can go for |a long time without feeling any burning need for a perma-Inent mate. It's enough to make you cry if you've set your | cap for him. You'll wonder if he's made of marble or if he |was born without a heart. No, he isn't made of marble |and yes, he does have a heart. Be patient. To her who (waits comes eventual success.
| Now and then a curious, frustrated Virgo may try a | fling at deliberate promiscuous behavior, simply to see if |he's lacking in masculinity. He's not, of course, and as | soon as he discovers it, he seeks no more artificial expe-|riences to prove himself. No cool, clear and collected Virgo can be immune to the call of human nature fotever, but once he does succumb, hell be shy about admitting it. When he's on the threshold of submission, he'll cover his true feelings with elaborate casualness. There is more than a spark of subdued, but extremely refined acting talent in Virgo. He will pretend to be disinterested as cleverly as he pretends to be ill when he's not enjoying himself at a party. Don't expect him to respond with any great display of ecstatic surrender even after he's committed, and while he's still deciding if you're really the one for whom he'll forsake his single state, he'll play it mighty cool, indeed.
Once he's decided it's for real, however, he'll declare himself with touching simplicity. His love will burn with a steady flame, never fluctuating like the love of other Sun signs, and it will give warmth over the years with wonderful dependability. Is that so bad? The one quality of fairy tale romance about Virgo is that, if he's genuinely in love, he will wait for years to claim his true mate, or travel over a thousand mountains to bring her home to his hearth. He's capable of enormous sacrifice in the pursuit of that one dainty foot he's discovered will fit the glass slipper. There's no denying that the flame is strong, once it's been kindled. It's almost impossible to extinguish it. You'll be as eternally adored as Cinderella herself. The trick, I suppose, is in the •original kindling. It's a rare foot that fits his glass slipper. Virgo is enormously particular.
After you've caught him, hell seldom if ever invite your jealousy, and he'll be determined to overcome any rough spots caused by financial problems, relatives or outside interference. He'll show incredible strength through emo？tional and material hardships, as long as you remain by his side. You couldn't ask for a more tender, gentle companion when your heart is broken for any reason by a cruel world or when you're physically ill. He won't shower you with money, but you'll be well supplied with necessities, and he will shower you with consideration.
A Virgo man is invariably kindly and thoughtful about all those little things which matter to women. He has a crystal clear memory and probably won't forget special dates, though he may be a bit mystified as to why you think they are so important. He won't be wildly, passionately jealous, yet Virgo males are possessive in the extreme. This sounds like a fine line to draw, but it's important. Even though he doesn't throw emotional scenes of jealousy over the attentions other men pay you, his deeply rooted pos-sessiveness should warn you that a little freedom goes a long way. The wife of a Virgo who wanders too far away from the home fires too often may find herself without a husband to return to. Virgos are utterly loyal and they dislike destroying family ties intensely, but when their sense of decency has been finally outraged they won't hesi？tate to make a cold, clean break in the divorce court. No messy, complicated trial separations for them. When it's over, it's over. Goodbye and good luck. Even the Virgo's sharp, unusually excellent memory won't cause him to cry sentimental tears over the past, simply because he's able to discipline his memory as firmly as he does his emotions. Self-discipline is part of his very nature. The Virgo man with his mind made up moves on-and having moved on, all your tears and apologies are useless in getting him to change his mind. He'll never fall victim to the illusion that gluing together the broken pieces will recreate perfection in what has once been seriously flawed.
If your heart is set on a Virgo man, you'd better brush up your thinking cap and wear it when he's around. Virgos hate ignorance, stupidity and sloppy thinking almost as much as they hate dirt and vulgarity, and that's a lot. The girl who snares the Virgo heart had better be smartly dressed with a sizable brain under her neat hair style-and you'll notice I said neat hair style. Virgos look for women who are clean in body and mind, and who dress well, but not in flashy extremes of fashion.
You won't have to be Julia Child, but for goodness sakes, don't ever be naive enough to think a Virgo husband will let you feed him out of cans. A pleasure-seeking, selfish, mentally lazy woman will never make it with a Virgo male, even if she's fairly oozing with sex appeal. This is the very last man in the world you can expect to find running off with a topless Go-Go girl, though he might loan her his sweater if she's chilly. When it comes right down to the nitty gritty, he's looking for a wife-not a mistress in any sense of the word.
Virgo men have no strong yearning for fatherhood, as a rule. Their particular kind of ego doesn't seem to require children for emotional fulfillment, and Virgos tend to have small families. Yet, once a child or children have been born, the Virgo is an extremely conscientious parent, and will never take his responsibilities lightly. Hell spend many hours teaching his youngsters skills and transmitting hia own high standards of conduct. He'll be cheerfully willing to help with homework and will probably make no end of sacrifices for hobbies, music lessons, camp and especially college. A Virgo father will place great emphasis on intel？lect and train his children rigidly in matters of ethics, courtesy and good citizenship. Even the divorced Virgo will eventually see to it somehow that his offspring are well ared for, wherever they may be, and that they get an edu-ation. Children of Virgo fathers usually grow up with both love and respect for books and learning. You'll seldom find a Virgo""parent spoiling a child, and there will always be plenty of necessary discipline. All this is fine, but there may be a need for more physical expressions of love be？tween a Virgo father and his youngsters, since affection is not something that comes naturally to him. Unless a serious effort is made in this area from babyhood on, there's more than a small chance that he'll one day discover an insur？mountable barrier has grown between him and the offspring he loves so deeply. There's also a tendency to be too criti？cal, to expect too much too soon and be too strict.
A Virgo will expect you to fuss a bit over his health, but hell wait on you when you're sick, too, and allow you to be a regular Camille. He may have his cranky and moody spells now and then, perhaps even frequently. But one thing is sure. If you leave him alone, he won't go out of his way to start an argument with you. Just let him get over his grumpiness and he'll surprise you with tenderness to make up for it. Let him worry. It's good for him, sort of a Virgo mental exercise. But when you see it's affecting his physical state, snap him out of it by suggesting something interesting or different to do. It isn't hard to catch the mental attention of a Virgo, though it may be hard to keep it.
Now that you know what you're in for, if you're still in love with that Virgo man, you can look forward io a pretty contented future. You'll have a husband who's alert and well-informed, who won't expect you to wait on him hand and foot or expect you to run around looking sexy all the time with a dab of perfume behind each ear and a rose in your teeth. (Although he may expect you to go around with a cake of soap in each hand.)
Hell be reliable and pleasant, if you're tactful about his faults. He won't have many of them anyway-unless you call the way he runs his finger across the furniture every night, looking for dust, a fault. Little habits like that. No matter what he does, try not to nag him. Remember, he's not constituted to be able to take the critical analysis he applies to others. Get used to his habit of criticizing you, and laugh it off with the realization that he can't help being such a sensitive hairsplitter. Once that resentment is out of the way, you can relax, and really enjoy your bright, loyal Virgo. He's not an angel. There are no wings sprouting on his shoulders. But lots of wives will be jealous of you.
After all, how many women are married to a hard？working, handsome man who's neat and tidy around the house, who remembers anniversaries and performs miracles with the checkbook? How many wives have a smart hus？band who dresses well, seldom goes out with the boys or makes passes at other women, and is usually gentle and considerate? Look closely again. Is that just the reflection of the street lights around his head, or could it be . . . ? No, it couldn't possibly be a halo. Not after the way he snapped at you when you spilled the buttered popcorn in his lap at the theater tonight. Of course not. That cranky character? Still, there is a kind of an aura. And when he smiles-and you can see yourself in his clear eyes-well, he'll do until someone with real wings comes along.
She had never quite forgotten that
if you drink much from a bottle marked "poison,"
it is almost certain to disagree with you,
soon or later.
Sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes.
Do you visualize the Virgo girl as a gentle, virginal maiden, pure as the driven snow? You may be about to get some illusions shattered. She is no White Rock nymph in a gauzy tunic, kneeling by the pool. Sorry to spoil your image.
A Virgo woman can leave her husband for a man she met beside some faraway ocean, bear her lover's child before the benefit of marriage, and face a hostile world with her head held high. That's not very maidenly or virginal. There's a lot to leam about this tender, fragile little symbol of spotless womanhood. For one thing, her spine is made of stainless steel.
It's quite true that she's basically shy. No argument there. Virgo girls don't climb on soap boxes to make fiery, aggressive speeches or chop up saloons with hatchets, like Carry Nation. They don't get arrested for drunken driving, either, and 111 give you a five dollar bill for every one you find featured in a burlesque show. But a Virgo woman is a woman. She has all the necessary wiles and weapons, including a determination to pursue happiness wherever the path happens to lead her. A few prickly thorns along the way won't cause her either to faint or cry weakly for help.
When you hear of a Virgo woman who has outraged the laws of society, be sure you read between the lines. She is basically pure-minded-true. But so is love. Real love. And Virgo is not interested in any other kind. She'll climb the tallest mountains and storm the raging seas in galoshes and a pea jacket, once the spirit of Mercury has been exalted, which can considerably dim that wispy, chiffon image. Remember, too, that Virgo's true ruler, the distant Vulcan, is the god of thunder. A Virgo woman who recog？nizes her marriage as imperfect and finds a-love without a flaw (or thinks she has, which is the same thing), won't hesitate to cut former ties. When she uses the knife, she'll be as cool and precise as a surgeon. Much as she hates to break the family circle, the Virgo hates hypocrisy more.
Once she's accepted a love as true and ideal, the purity of her own concept of the relationship reigns supreme over all the pieces of legal paper in the world. She's the one woman in the zodiac who can be deadly practical and divinely romantic at the same time. That situation of the love affair beside some faraway ocean may seem casual and immoral on the surface. Actually, it's a predictable example of a Virginian behaving true to character when caught in a difficult decision. She'll suffer agonies of em？barrassment over the condemnation of society in such an affair, but that won't alter her course of action any more than it will alter the purity of her motivation. It's a perfect example of the firm practicality of Virgo's earth element, blended with the mental, airy, ideal-seeking Mercury. There's a white heat to Virgo love, once it's ignited, that can put the passions of other Sun signs to shame by its very intensity and singleness of purpose. Igniting it may take some time, however.
I will admit that the fiery, physical aspect of love may be somewhat subdued in the typical Virgo female, but there's a mysterious, quiet, waiting quality in this woman. and "passion of the spirit" is a most satisfactory substitute to men who prefer the delicacy of understatement in romance.
She's a perfectionist, but that doesn't mean that she herself is perfect. She has her negative traits, and they can be very trying. To begin with, Virgo females have this dogged belief that no one can do things as orderly and as efficiently as they can. What really drives you wild is that- usually-no one can. They're also sticklers for promptness. Did you ever keep a Virgo woman waiting for a date? When she's upset or cranky, she won't rage and storm and break bottles over your head, but she can be shrewish and fussy when you've annoyed her. You might as well expect a frank scolding. An occasional Virgo woman can come pretty close to behaving like a virago, but most of them don't carry it that far. Take her flowers. Admit you're wrong and don't argue. It won't do you a bit of good, you can't win with a Virgo. The earth is her element, so she appreciates the creations of nature, and the posies will soften her irritation. As for the apologies, keep them brief and accurate. The Virginian is nobody's fool. Her clarity of vision will spot an elaborate lie by the smoothest talker, and the faintest smear of lipstick on the edge of a collar. She may be pure-minded, but she's certainly not naive.
I'm not implying that she'll go through your laundry, at least not before you're married. After that, it will be in her house, and she won't feel so guilty about it.
This girl has a mental block when it comes to admitting she's wrong-like a block of wood right in front of her brain-so you'd be smart to take the blame right away. Most of the time, she'll be right, frustrating though it may be. So why fight it? When you've put her back into her normal mood, she's such an exquisite delight, you won't care who won or lost.
If you can bear the wound to your male ego, you might profit from taking her financial advice, or letting her handle the budget. She's concise and practical, and she catches tiny errors even a CPA might overlook. (Unless there are afflictions in her natal aspects, or she has an impulsive ascendant.)
Brush up on your manners and your grammar if you're dating a Virgo female. She won't take kindly to abuse of the language, swearing or drinking from the finger bowl. Don't chew celery close to her ear and it's better if you pass up corn-on-the-cob altogether. That's enough of a challenge at any time, let alone trying to eat it daintily in front of her. Tell the waiter to cut it off and serve it to you on the plate. You'll never pass inspection with sloppy clothing, either. Once in love with a Virgo, you might as well resign yourself to shaving twice a day, and the same goes for showers. Splash on after shave lotion, brush off the lint, spruce up your hair, wear a fresh shirt, mind your manners, and polish your shoes before you go a-courting this girl. And here's a very valuable tip: the next time you're late, pretend you don't realize what time it is. Walk in her door angrily. When she asks you what's wrong, tell her that silly, ridiculous, blasted library (that's about as profane as you'll dare to get) keeps closing five minutes before they're supposed to, according to their rules. It wouldn't be so bad now and then, but they lock the doors on you every night when you have all those heavy scientific journals to put away. She'll forget all about the tardiness.
Don't take her to the racetrack and let her see you throw away a week's pay on Golden Chance in the fifth, on the nose. Save your off-color stories for the men at lunch, and tell her constantly you're glad she's not the flighty type, You are, aren't you? She's not a clinging vine, either. Virgo goes to no extremes. She can take care of herself, thank you. But she doesn't have to act like a man to do it.
Don't overpower her with your physical charms or bear hug her on the subway, and don't rush the goodnight kiss on the first or even the tenth date-wait for better things. In general, underplay the whole scene. Move in slowly, with grace and taste, or you'll end up in the orchestra pit with all the other banjo thumpers. Speaking of the theater, she'll probably love it. Parades, too. The pomp and pag？eantry, the dramatic emotion, give her an outlet for her own tightly controlled emotions. Besides, she's one great critic. Her highly developed intellect and artistic taste com？bine to give her a keen perception. If you could make Broadway producers understand this, you'd be showered with free passes to out-of-town openings. A Virgo woman will call the critics' reviews in advance almost every time. Discrimination is one of her keywords. She loves plays, concerts and books, but she's severely critical of the con？tent. She's just as critical of your tie and how you wear your hair, what you do and what you say. To criticize is as natural to her as breathing is to you. Virgo is the eternal perfectionist, and without her, we would all be pretty •nessy and sloppy around the edges. Don't cr iticize her, lowever. That's against the rules. The golden rule definitely does not apply here. What she does to you, you'd better not do to her. Her crystal-clear thinking makes her in？wardly as aware of her own imperfections as she is of yours, and she judges herself frequently and harshly, which is why she feels she doesn't need any help from you. Of her it can be truly said that she's "her own worst critic."
One nice thing about being in love with this woman is that she'll do all your worrying for you, and possibly even enjoy it. She'll keep you from goofing without robbing you of your manhood, an art that women born under other Sun signs might well imitate.
As for the matter of faithfulness, you may hear of a rare Virgo female who, for her own unfathomable reasons, has decided to toss away virtue with a vengeance, but there's usually a desire to prove something to herself at the bottom of such a spree, and it won't last long. Virgo females who take an occasional whirl down the primrose path of promis？cuity are clever enough to cover up the lapse, and such behavior is most certainly an exception. Ordinarily, if she really loves you, you'd be safe to trust the typical Virginian woman with the sexiest man you know on a desert island for a month. For two months? Well, Virgos are human, you know. They're not walking, talking computers. They have hearts warmer than people suspect, and emotions that can thunder with feeling, even if they don't care to rent a billboard to advertise it. The emotional nature of Virgo is controlled, but not nonexistent. Remember that. It will give you courage.
The Virgo girl is annoyingly meticulous about small things, but she can also be the kindest, most generous and affectionate little creature in the world. Consider her per？fectionism a virtue, instead of a vice. With all the impulsive？ness rampant in the world, what would we do without the sharp eye and mind of Virgo? Even while she's irri？tating you with her critical ways, there's a lovable quality about her that's downright irresistible. But of course you've already discovered that, or you wouldn't be shaving twice a day and going to the library every night. Her modest manner and soft, clear eyes have done their job well. You've probably even found out how much fun she is when people don't pick on her, and what a clever wit lies inside that pretty head. It's a lovely and strange thing that when Virgo women laugh it often sounds like the peal of little bells.
She has no illusions, so don't try to sell her any phony ideas. To her, truth is beauty-and beauty is truth. Get used to her emptying the ash trays every three seconds, be kind to her stray kittens, and she'll perform the pipe and slippers routine with feminine grace. She'll share herself cautiously, only with one she trusts, and little things mean a lot to her. Despite her modesty and natural shyness, she's tough enough and strong enough for others to find com？forting when dark clouds gather. The quiet courage and deep sense of responsibility of Virgo women often acts as a magic glue to hold large families together. She'll probably be a good cook, and she'll never poison you with her soup. Your house will be clean and cozy, and the big bowl on the coffee table will hold apples instead of choco？late candies (bad for the teeth and general health).
You'll probably never see your youngster running around the neighborhood with a runny nose, a jam-stained face or torn sneakers. You won't find tiny fingers scatter？ing your tobacco or coloring on your private papers, either. She'll be a firm disciplinarian. Virgo women seldom have more than one or two children, and don't seem to need motherhood to satisfy their femininity. But once baby has bounced into her life, she'll never neglect his physical, moral or educational needs. She may not supply his emo？tional needs as easily, but if she's sure of your love and knows she's appreciated, she'll relax and give her offspring plenty of warm affection. Little ones often find Virgo mothers delightfully funny and gentle. They'll be firm, and try to instill good habits, but they have a tender touch that tells a child he's securely loved.
Remember the poem that says you shouldn't buy bread with your last sixpence, but "hyacinths for the soul"? Give this woman both. You may often catch her busy with sew？ing or mending, and if you have a really typical Virgo wife, your house may be full of the heavenly mixed fragrance of fresh flowers and hot home-made bread baking crisply in the oven. It's pretty nice to come home to. She'll dust off all your old dreams and make them shine again, and you'll have a woman who will never borrow your razor or use your toothbrush for her mascara. She'll nurse you like an angel when you're ill, and she won't embarrass you by flirting with your best friend. She'll dress neatly and be able to talk with you about something besides diapers and beauty parlor gossip. You'll get every ounce of loyalty and devotion you deserve. She won't throw emotional scenes of jealousy or throw your money away foolishly. She'll keep your secrets in her heart, help you organize your work, and probably won't get wrinkled in middle age. Now really, isn't all that worth minding your manners and keep？ing your fingernails clean? Her eyes are cool pools of pure love, and when she smiles, she can light up a whole room with her radiance. Better keep her. You may never get so lucky again.
But four young oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats -were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat-
As he tries to imitate the sounds he hears in the nursery, the tiny Virgo infant carries the seed of a seldom-mentioned Virginian talent for acting. The ability to mimic manifests itself almost from birth. The Virgo baby is alert and quick, yet at the same time more peaceful and tranquil than other infants, a contradiction which foreshadows a future person？ality that will soothe and irritate by turn.
Don't try to feed your little Virgo applesauce when he wants peaches or you may be in for a long siege. You'll end up with applesauce all over the high chair, but baby won't end up with a speck of it in his stomach if he doesn't like it, though he'll smile charmingly as he firmly turns his head away. He may surprise you by preferring spinach to ice cream. Virgo's meticulous selectivity about food shows early.
Aside from being fussy eaters and an occasional spell of fretful indigestion, raising a Virgo youngster is a pleasant experience, with little conflict and few tantrums. Even when they're very small, these children are inclined to be neat and put away their toys cheerfully. Your Virgo young？ster may be bashful and quiet in company or crowds, but around family and friends the cat certainly won't get his tongue. He'll probably talk early and fluently, except in front of strangers. A Virgo child is seldom troublesome, and he's a wonderful companion as mother does her house？work. He'll happily imitate whatever she is doing and he'll usually mind the first time he's told, with little scolding necessary.
In school, Virgos are apt to be teacher's pets, simply because they're the easiest boys and girls to discipline and the ones who study their lessons carefully. It's a delight to instruct the typical, bright Virgo child with gentle manners. Criticism, however, should be used sparingly. Too much stress on mistakes will cause him to worry unduly, some？times to the point of actual illness.
A lecture in front of the class will be painfully mortify？ing, and it may smother the desire to leam for a long period. Virgo youngsters need to be told only once, quietly, if an error has been made. They'll be just as concerned as the teacher with correcting it, perhaps more so.
Often the mundane chores, disliked by the rest of the class, will be accepted as important responsibilities by Virgo children. They're efficient, dependable little people, with a serious, but friendly, pleasant disposition, though they're sensitive enough to become cranky if teased by more extro-verted classmates. The Virgo child is markedly adaptable, probably just as adept at painting scenery as he' is at editing the school paper. It wouldn't hurt to suggest that the Virgo youngster try out for dramatics. He won't seek the spot？light, but he might show a surprising ability to interpret characters with convincing reality, if he can overcome his stage fright.
Virgo's honesty and careful attention to details make him a favorite choice to grade papers when the teacher needs help. As a class monitor, he'll be ethical and alert. But there are occasions when the teacher can get a red face when she's made an erroneous statement (teachers being only human) and the normally shy, quiet little Virgo raises his hand to point out the mistake in no uncertain terms. Virgo students want to know the whys and the facts. They'll rarely question authority, but they will question knowledge in books unless they know what's behind it. The printed word often isn't enough for the inquisitive, painstaking Virgo mind. These children need plenty of educational toys, and when they're very young they should be read to as much as possible. They'll become most unhappy misfits as adults if they haven't received a full education. To know less than others turns Virgos into irritable introverts who are painfully embarrassed by their inadequacies.
It's best to ignore the Virgo teenager when he or she begins to notice the opposite sex. Teasing a girl about her first boy friend can give her a permanent emotional scar, and probing into a boy's dates can head him toward bachelorhood. Virgos don't easily accept close relation？ships leading to marriage, and the path should be made as smooth as possible.
You'll have to supply your Virgo child's emotional needs with signs of physical affection. He'll never show you how deeply he desires this kind of love, but the lack of it will strongly affect his future relationships. Even very pretty and very smart little girls-and very handsome, clever little boys have to be convinced they're interesting. It's hard for them to believe that their modest unassuming ways are as attractive as the more aggressive personalities of their friends. The Virgo ego can stand lots of encouragement without becoming excessive, so don't be stingy with bear hugs, kisses, sincere compliments and pats on the back. Your Virgo child needs large, daily doses of such emotional vitamins, along with his cod liver oil.
He'll have many exact habits, and hell complain if his belongings are moved or his privacy invaded. He does certain things at certain times, and if his personal schedule is upset, he will be, too. It may be dangerous to ask him for a frank opinion; otherwise, he'll usually be refreshingly polite to company. This child will criticize every member of the family, sometimes with amusing, but cutting imita？tions of their faults. He'll probably ask for his own room early and be fussy about your cooking. No lumps in the mashed potatoes, please, and not so much seasoning in the stuffing. But he'll show an excellent sense of responsibility before most other children have learned the alphabet. He'll be sympathetic with Mother's headaches and Daddy's financial problems. You can expect him to try sincerely to make good grades at school, willingly help around the house and manage his allowance carefully.
Although he's far from a model of perfection, and you'll feel like shaking him <vhen he makes you take the beans out of the chili, or refuses to wear the shirt you just ironed because it has two small wrinkles-most of the time, a Virgo child is a joy to have around the house.
These children should have a kitten or a bird, so they can learn the lessons of love quietly and unobtrusively, by caring for the helpless. Don't buy him a St. Bernard or a police dog. If he's a typical Virgmian youngster, he'll prefer a smaller pet. He'll be fascinated by one of those ant vil？lages. Watching the tiny ants industriously going about their business at close range should really intrigue his curious, practical little mind.
Listen to him when he talks. He has a wisdom beyond his years. You can afford to keep nagging at a minimum, because he'll try very hard to please you if he knows exactly what you expect of him. Remember that his imagination needs plenty of boosting and lots of room to grow, or it can easily become stifled. You need never worry about spoiling him or giving him too many illusions. The Virgo child is made of sterner stuff than that.
Give him all the lovely dreams you can crowd into his heart. Such bright moments of fantasy will guarantee him a much-needed emotional balance when he grows up. Be very sure he has a secret star to wish on. Memories of magical daydreams will keep him from being lonely in the years to come, and there will be many occasions for future loneliness. Unlike other children, the young Virgo may not be very fond of fairy stories and make-believe. He's a true little realist. Perhaps that's why he needs them most of all.
"We can talk," said the Tiger-lily:
"•when there's anybody worth talking to.'
If you have a Virgo boss, be kind to him. He's probably secretly troubled and unhappy. Virgos are not born to be high-powered executives who lead others forcefully and they soon regret the decision to bite off more than they can chew. Of course, due to individual planetary positions and aspects in the natal chart, there are certainly some Virgos who are extremely competent in positions of power, but they're few and far between. You can probably count the ones you know on the toes of one foot.
The typical Virgo is at his best as the power behind the throne, the one who dependably carries through the original |f ideas of others. He's happier and more successful in the * checkmate position of chairman of the board than as the president of a huge corporation who has to cope with the problems of his employees and present a jolly company image. The very last thing most Virgos want is to glorify the self and become a listening post for everyone's troubles, Goodness knows, they have enough troubles of their own to keep them busy worrying for a lifetime, even if man) of them are imaginary.
Coping with the pressure of being responsible for the impulsive actions of progressive associates, firing orders a1 subordinates, and pushing public relations, while juggling the finances of big empires, requires a thicker skin and e fatter ego than the average Virgo possesses. One reasor he's such an unhappy misfit as an executive is because he tends to see the trees clearly and completely miss the forest -yet this is the very trait which makes him such ac indispensable jewel as the man who guides the president ol the firm. He may not be the one who sees the big picture, but he can erase the fuzziness from the pictures the more aggressive people paint so carelessly. If anyone can manipu？late complicated projects and see them through with £ minimum of disastrous mistakes, it's a Virgo. He can take the wildest schemes with a thousand dangerous, dangling loose ends and make them work. A talent like that should never be wasted up front where there's not enough privacy to accomplish his meticulous miracles. In fact, if he's forced to perform his organizational magic before a public audience, the Virgo is likely to look as if he's double-talking, when he's really not. The Virgo whose hidden vanity has caused him to be put in such a position usually ends up accused of this very thing.
A Virgo will pull few punches when he's asked for a critical opinion, and let's face it, an executive often has to smile and say "yes" when he means "no," and frown and say "no" when he means "yes." It's all part of the game. But a Virgo calls a turnip a turnip, and he's bewildered when people turn on him because he didn't pretend it was a tulip.
Consequently, the Virgo in a high-powered position sometimes resorts to deception in self-defense, and -since deception is emphatically not one of his innate talents, he ends up being accused of being downright sly and hypo？critical. What a pity, when Virgo hates hypocrisy so much. But that's the price he pays for sitting in a chair he wasn't meant to occupy. The endless, chatty luncheons with clients who have to be wined and dined and catered to would drive the average Virgo into a hermit's cave after a few months, and a few years of it might actually give him a serious mental breakdown.
Any Virgo who searches his own soul eventually comes up with the knowledge that he's better off doing the actual work of running the machinery inside the organization and letting someone else pose for the pictures. If he's truly dedicated to his work (is there a Virgo who isn't?), he secretly scorns the social and political extra-curricular activities the head of a firm is forced to engage in, because it causes him to neglect his duties-and be assured that neglect of duty is not something a Virgo takes lightly.
Still, if the business is a small one with, say, under a dozen employees, a Virgo may do very well as the captain of the tugboat. He certainly won't let it hit any unforeseen snags because he'll have every potential danger charted in detail, upside down and backwards. But big business and the typical Virginian simply don't blend, always allowing for the occasional exception to the rule. A Virgo with a Cancer ascendant and a Capricorn Moon, for example, would be a horse of a different gait. Such a Virgo at the head of a large company can be a real winner, just as the average Virgo at the head of a small company is usually successful. They also excel in leading scientific, experi？mental groups, where painstaking research is the keynote.
This boss will not overlook the sloppy mistakes of a secretary who constantly misspells words, wears ink blots on her thumbs and forgets to water his geraniums. You'll have to be alert and on your toes if you want a promotion from Virgo. Never tell him the appointment is for three o'clock when it's really for two-forty-five, or you'll face a cranky, irritable boss who won't hesitate to point out your fumble with hairsplitting frankness. As for reminding him in self-defense that he himself mislaid the papers he needed for the same meeting, forget it. Instead of causing him to be more tolerant of your errors in relation to his own - exceedingly rare goofs, he's far more likely to glare at you with extreme annoyance. Try it more than once and you may end up without a job. A little criticism goes a long way with your Virgo boss. On his side, that is. As far as you're concerned, resign yourself to plenty of it. There's just one way out and one way only. Don't make mistakes. It's really quite simple.
Once you've adjusted to his perfectionist attitude, youll find your eagle-eyed Virgo boss is kind-hearted and fair. He won't want to hear the details of your latest romance, since sentiment bores the typical Virgo, but he'll listen with sympathy to your request for a leave of absence because your left small toenail needs attention. Sick leave will be understood. Office flirtations and careless habits will not. Keep your desk tidy, don't flash around the office in mini skirts and heavy make-up, never brush your hair over his papers, and listen carefully to all his instructions. If he approves of your grooming, your work habits and your brain, he can be a surprisingly generous and kindly, con？siderate man to work for. He has his little idiosyncrasies, but don't we all?
Men who work for a Virgo boss face a slightly different problem. He'll expect you to come up with creative ideas and to be aggressive in the area of promotion and sales？manship. In fact, he'll depend on you to fill in these gaps in his own make-up. Just be sure you handle yourself with modesty. He knows you have more direct drive than he does, but he's also aware that he has more organizational ability, not to mention practicality and caution, and he won't be thrilled if you let it become obvious that you could run things without his close supervision. He's undoubtedly correct. He usually is, which may be a little frustrating until you get used to it and learn to respect him for it.
Your Virgo boss may have a drawer full of indigestion remedies and a mind full of facts and figures, but he also has a heart full of compassion and the ability to straighten out inter-office disagreements. He won't give out Jaguars, or mink capes as Christmas bonuses, but he will pay you what you're worth and won't cheat you. Remember that he's entirely capable of sizing up exactly what you are worth, too. It's difficult, if not impossible, to fool him.
Don't expect him to get excited about glamorous bubble promotions. He may not be overly imaginative, but he has enough imagination to visualize such bubbles bursting with a loud bang and a spray of water, which may leave you all wet. Be sure your suggestions and methods of working have a sound foundation in fact, or he'll dismiss your schemes as daydreams and he may dismiss you, too. You may get impatient frequently with his constant splitting of hairs and faultfinding criticism, but after all, you can't just say to a superior that "It's a drag to nag." So you might as well accept his critical habits gracefully. It won't hurt you to let him shape you up a bit, anyway.
Always tell him the truth. It's useless to lie to him. Frankly, your Virgo boss may strain at gnats-but hell seldom swallow a camel.
If you give him the understanding support and respect
he needs, he'll never hurt you. Inside, he's really a gentle soul and often terribly lonely, married or single. He doesn't make friends easily, and hell be touchingly grateful for your encouragement. Like all Virgos, he lives with a secret dream and isn't nearly as isolated from emotion as he seems to be. Let him know you've discovered that his bark is worse than his bite (even though his bark is gentle and quiet), and he'll step down from his ivory tower. Never mind if the other employees call him stingy. Go to him when you're really in trouble and see how wrong they are.
"When you say 'hill,' " the Queen interrupted, "I could show you hills,
in comparison with which
you'd call that a valley." "A hill can't be a valley, you know.
That would be nonsense-"
The Red Queen shook her head. "You may call it 'nonsense' if you like," she said, "But I've heard nonsense, compared with which ' that would be as sensible as a dictionaryl"
If you have a Virgo employee who's a typical Virginian, treasure him (or her) and plan, slowly and carefully, to mnvp. him to the oosition of your assistant. Don't do it too quickly or hell feel unprepared and reluctant. Fast ad？vances don't tickle the Virgo ego, they just alarm him and make him suspect that you're too impulsive for him to trust.
You needn't shower this employee with bonuses. On the other hand, don't underpay him either. He's well aware of his comparable and current market value, and he won't hesitate to move on, regardless of his basic loyalty and stability, if he feels you're being unfair or unreasonable. It's been said that Virgos give service without thought of reward, which has created a bit of a problem in semantics. It's more accurate to say that they give service without thought of personal ego gratification (though they secretly desire this more than they let on). The Virgo employee fully expects to be paid for his efforts, because money is important to him. It's not the cash itself as a status symbol, nor the Cancerian desire to accumulate that motivates him. It's his inbred fear of going on relief someday when he's old and sick and feeble and forced to depend on others. The very thought of such a situation gives the typical Virgo goose bumps. He'll probably be far healthier in his old age than most of the other zodiac signs. Though often weak in childhood, Virgo gathers physical strength as the years advance. Still he'll secretly worry about his health and his financial future. The twin mental images of the hospital and the poorhouse are never far from his thoughts, so you can see why Virgos are quietly ambitious to advance in their work until they reach a position where they can achieve financial security for tomorrow. At this point, and at this point only, the nervous Virgo intensity begins to unwrinkle and he can relax. Of course, Virgos never com？pletely relax, but let's say he is not quite as jumpy as he was before; he bites his nails less, and his allergies let up a little.
You'll discover that he has a perfect eye for detail, sometimes a little too perfect to be comfortable. Just be？cause you're the boss won't keep him from catching your mistakes and pointing them out in typical, blunt Virgo fashion. Positions and titles aren't sacred to him: perfection is-though, with typical Virgo charm, hell probably give you more outward courtesy and respect than his asso？ciates do.
Whatever his faults, you can always count on these em？ployees, male or female, to exhibit strong analytical ability and excellent taste. His (or her) sharp sense of discrimina？tion makes the typical Virgo worker an excellent critic, with the knack of spotting the weak log in the fence, not to mention the weakest link in the chain, with quicksilver accuracy and speed. Virgo workers are adaptable and versatile, clear-thinking, precise, intelligent and reliable. They'll never turn in sloppy work and they have no pa> tience with a job half done or laziness. That includes your own occasional laziness. The boss who takes a day off to play golf may return to the office to find the Virgo employee eyeing him with a thinly disguised look of dis？approval, though the obedient, mannerly Virginian will probably keep silent about it.
Virgos usually shine more in businesses which give ser？vice to the public in general. Publishing, the literary field, medicine, pharmacy, anything to do with food, scientific laboratories, service agencies of all kinds, bookkeeping and accounting-all these areas are competently and efficiently handled by the adept, systematic Virgo. No tiny detail is unworthy of his consideration, and he'll stay overtime with？out a thought if something is not quite right and needs his attention.
You can feel completely safe in letting your Virgo em？ployee work without supervision. His sense of ethics and responsibility are total. Besides, he'd probably prefer to work either quietly alone or confidently beside you than be exposed to any possible criticism from fellow workers. Virgo works quickly, but it may not be obvious at first. That's because he feels insecure with short cuts and is never satisfied until all the facts have been checked. He may appear to be slow simply because he's doing a thor？ough job. Actually, his mind works as fast as Mercury, though mere speed will never be allowed to replace cau？tious, methodical procedures.
Although advertising isn't a natural atmosphere for his realistic, practical approach, he might be valuable in some position where he can patiently pick up the pieces of those creative brainstorms that occasionally blow sky high, and make sure that the fabulous ideas which have been so joyously tossed into the promotional hat don't have large holes in them.
It would not be advisable to send your Virgo employee out to promote your company or sell your product. He's a bit too honest and plain spoken to paint any glowing 'ctures for your potential customers, and his basic nature ? ^qq shy and retiring to push either himself or your firm with any great gobs of enthusiasm. Very few Virgos make eood salesmen, only the rare exceptions to the rule.
He'll dress neatly, speak with gentle diction, be as clean as a bar of Ivory soap, and probably have a desk that's so tidy it looks positively naked. You may come across a Virgo with a slightly cluttered office, but never fear. His mind isn't cluttered. He knows the exact order of the apparent disorder, and just where to put his finger on whatever he wants. His desk may look like a heap of trash to you, but he knows the whereabouts of every postage stamp and paper clip.
When Virgos become really noticeably untidy, either at home or at work, it's almost always a symptom of emo？tional unhappiness-just as the same thing is true of a Sagittarian who suddenly becomes neat and meticulous.
Bite your tongue when you get an urge to criticize a Virgo's work. He'll probably catch his own mistakes before you do. Any necessary criticism should be given briefly and quietly, and any unnecessary criticism should be for？gotten. It takes very little to warm his heart to loyalty and gratitude, but it also takes very little to cause Virgo to bristle and fret and sulk. Still, as quick as he is to pout over imagined slights, he's just as quick to help without being asked when you're in trouble. During a real crisis, you'll swear he's grown two feet taller.
Never force Virgos to work around wild, bright colors. It disturbs their quiet inner nature. Give them the most modern, most efficient equipment you can afford, and they'll make good use of it. They don't like noise and confusion when they work. They also don't like irregular schedules. Let them have a regular day off and stick to it. They'll work overtime if you need them, but they hate the insecurity and confusion of changing shifts. Their emo？tional requirements are hidden, but they are there just the same, and a certain amount of open appreciation may be desperately needed.
Although the typical Virgo seldom indulges in esoteric or imaginative work, you will occasionally find a few who do. But remember that they are still Virgos. The Virgo astrologer will split hairs over his occult investigation, the Virgo poet will use precise meter, the Virgo painter will concentrate on detail and the Virgo actor or actress will ma.ster the perfect dialect or accent for the role with pains？taking study. Never let it throw you when someone born under a certain Sun sign doesn't seem to be doing what cotnes naturally, as far as his choice of career is concerned. Ke;ep observing and you'll see he's still being true to his basic nature.
'Once you've gradually moved your Virgo employee from the bottom (where he won't mind starting, by the w%y) to the position of your right-hand man or your gal Friday, you can relax and really play some golf for a chiange, content in the knowledge that someone totally reliable is covering you back at the office. Of course, you m,ay feel a little guilty when you return, under the re-prroachful expression in those lovely, clear Virgo eyes. You niiean you never noticed how attractive your Virgo em-plloyee is? Look again.
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
The further off from England, the nearer is to France.
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledum, "if it was so, it might be;
and, if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't.